Loving to Survive Sexual Terror, Men's Violence, and Women's Lives

"Sure to spark controversy". --Feminist Bookstore News "The most important book on the psychology of women in this century. Reading this book is both a personal and intellectual journey. Loving to Survive is an illumination both of abused women and every woman's experience." --June Peters, author of The Phoenix Program "Dee Graham clearly illuminates the connections between Stockholm Syndrome, the production of feminine behaviors, and the entire concept of heterosexuality. Her conclusions are frightening, breathtaking, and extremely provocative. This book is compelling reading for any feminist intellectual or activist, any female victim of violence who is searching for meaning in her own behavior, and all workers in the area of violence against women." --Marjorie Whittaker Leidig, former Clinical Director, Battered Women's Research Center, Denver, CO "It is a great puzzle why so many women say they are not feminist, why so many maintain loyalty to men of their own class and race rather than women of other classes and races not to mention women of their own class and race, why so many women don't feel oppressed. Dee Graham's impressive scholarship brings us back to a basic element of women's material condition: we live in a society in which men are violent and consider the use of violence an appropriate means of dealing with difference. Sure to become a classic, Loving to Survive is a fascinating compendium of studies with a long over- due analysis explaining the persistence of femininity, heterosexuality, and women's love of men." --Sarah Lucia Hoagland, author of Lesbian Ethics: Toward New Value "Loving to Survive may be the most controversial--and most important--book written during the past two decades. In asserting their theory, the authors ask readers to re-consider virtually all that has been deemed 'true' about relationships between men and women. Such a dramatic paradigm shift will challenge most readers. Whether the reader likes or dislikes this book, one thing seems certain: it will generate dialogue that will surely engage people both intellectually and emotionally." --Donna M. Stringer, feminist author and teacher and President, Executive Diversity Services Inc. "Women who don't see any way to escape from an abusive man may become psychologically linked to their abusers much like victims held hostage by terrorists. According to Dee Graham, who has surveyed hundreds of abused women, such women fear that if they resist or try to escape, their partners might kill them. To avoid further abuse, they try to please their abusers, start to see themselves through their abusers' eyes, and begin to feel they deserve abuse." --Ladies Home Journal