Wiley PracticePlanners® Series Preface xi
Acknowledgments xiii
Introduction 1
How to Use This Book 2
Assigning Tasks 3
Debriefing 3
SECTION I------Generic Tasks 6
Exercise I.1 Stacking the Deck 9
Exercise I.2 Personal Pep Talk 12
Exercise I.3 Gray Areas 14
Exercise I.4 Love-O-Meter 16
Exercise I.5 Session Preparation 18
Exercise I.6 Feedback Log 20
Exercise I.7 Learning the Language 24
Exercise I.8 Chart Your Course 26
Exercise I.9 Taking Charge of Change 29
Exercise I.10 Unpack Loaded and Vague Words 32
Exercise I.11 Doing Love and Intimacy 36
Exercise I.12 Track the Problems and Solutions 42
Exercise I.13 Identify and Validate Your Partner's Feelings and Points of View 44
Exercise I.14 Changing Character Indictments to Action Descriptions 47
Exercise I.15 Identify What Has Worked and Do More of That 50
Exercise I.16 Little Things Mean a Lot 53
Exercise I.17 Keep One Eye on the Road 56
Exercise I.18 Time Travel 58
Exercise I.19 What Is Your Map of Love-Land? 61
Exercise I.20 Acknowledgment 64
Exercise I.21 Catch Your Partner Doing Something Right 66
Exercise I.22 Let Your Partner Know What Behaviors You'd Like 69
Exercise I.23 Just the Facts, Ma'am 71
Exercise I.24 Map the Problem 73
Exercise I.25 Breaking Patterns 76
Exercise I.26 Don't Get Even, Get Odd 78
Exercise I.27 Change the Context 82
Exercise I.28 Negotiating Impasses 85
Exercise I.29 Go Ape 87
Exercise I.30 Letter to the Problem 90
Exercise I.31 Going Postal Instead of Going Postal 92
Exercise I.32 Lighten Your Load 95
Exercise I.33 Can Do! 97
Exercise I.34 Plant a Tree 99
SECTION II------Generic Issues/Values Conflicts for Couples 101
Exercise II.1 Timeout Handout 102
Exercise II.2 Anger Log 104
Exercise II.3 Setting Boundaries 106
Exercise II.4 Biodots 109
Exercise II.5 Breathing 111
Exercise II.6 Let's Get Physical 113
Exercise II.7 Value Your Differences 115
Exercise II.8 Accountability 117
Exercise II.9 Restoring Trust and Faith When One Partner Has Betrayed the Relationship 119
Exercise II.10 Inequities 121
Exercise II.11 Feeling Responsible: Who Initiates Things That Need to Be Done 124
Exercise II.12 Intimacy 127
Exercise II.13 Styles of and Motivation for Arguing 129
Exercise II.14 Forgiveness 131
Exercise II.15 Money/Financial Conflicts 134
Exercise II.16 A Common Destination 137
Exercise II.17 Negotiating Socializing Preference Differences 139
Exercise II.18 Creating a Mission 142
SECTION III------Specific Problem Areas for Couples 144
Exercise III.1 Chronic or Unproductive Arguments 145
Exercise III.2 Verbal Abuse 148
Exercise III.3 Boxing Clutter to a TKO 151
Exercise III.4 Separating Work from Home Life 153
Exercise III.5 Planned Spontaneity 155
Exercise III.6 A Safe Place for the Traumatic Memories 158
Exercise III.7 Chronic Lateness from Work 160
Exercise III.8 Set Limits with Consequences 163
Sexual Issues and Problems 165
Exercise III.9 Mix ' n' Match Sexual Menu for Expanding Your Sex Life 166
Exercise III.10 Pleasure Teaching Session 168
Exercise III.11 Dealing with Impotence 170
Exercise III.12 Help for Premature Ejaculation 172
Exercise III.13 Initiation Week 174
Exercise III.14 Lightening Up about Sexuality and Weight Gain 176
Exercise III.15 A Night to Remember 178
Family, Stepfamily, and Parenting Problems 180
Exercise III.16 Wrestling with the Challenging Task of Parenting 181
Exercise III.17 In-Law Problems 184
Exercise III.18 Get a Roommate 187
Exercise III.19 Circle the Wagons 190
SECTION IV------Reproducible Forms and Brochures 192
Suggestions for Making Conversations More Productive 192
Movies about Couples 194
An Appreciative Interview to Celebrate the Anniversary of Your Marriage 201
Interview with My Valentine 203
Appreciative Inquiry Interview Protocol: Life-Giving Relationships 204
Guidelines for Couples' Communication 206
How to Solve Relationship Problems 208
Creating or Renewing Intimacy 209
Pocket Emergency Guidelines 211
Getting Over an Affair 213
Dealing with a Partner or Spouse with a Chemical Abuse Problem 215
Preventing or Dealing with Violence in a Relationship 218
Solving Sexual Problems 220
Train Your Therapist 223
Relationship Rescue: Ten Methods for Resolving Relationship Crises 225
Dealing with the Death of a Child 228
Generic Assignment Form 229
References 231
About the Downloadable Assignments 233
